As soon as consciousness was mine this morning (actually even before!), I was mentally rewriting the paper I had to resubmit, inserting and deleting whole portions of my lesson plan for Friday, and wishing that my mere thinking of such productivity would somehow find its way to the computer without my having to get out from under the covers.
My nose is running as well. And if that's the sign it usually is, I'm going to be coughing by next week.
One of my cohorts told me this morning that today was the first day I had looked tired. "You have so much energy," she said. "I'm surprised to see you looking like this."
I sniffed and said I agreed with her. I wasn't my best self.
Yet the minute I sat in front of the students, I knew I was where I wanted to be. Until, of course, I saw not one but two evaluators in the back of the room. They weren't both there officially. One was checking papers or something. But they were there and suddenly, i wasn't me anymore. I was slow and not connecting the dots and wondering if they were checking me off for this or that.
After I completed my teaching and as I was driving away from campus, I realized something -- I love learning; I just hated being graded.
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